WITH and The Search to Fit In
I’ve never met a single person who didn’t want to fit in *somewhere.
I’ve met the loners,
the ones who always choose the sidelines,
the ones who never seem to mind eating by themselves,
the ones who prefer to keep a low-profile.
…And I know everyone’s different and there’s no denying the differences between introverts and extroverts—but as humans made in the image and likeness of God, I also know there’s a cry deep within us that longs for us to truly know someone, and to be truly known by someone.
…And for some of us, there’s no such thing as too many friends, or not having group-plans on the weekend, while others of us prefer to keep our circles small, and choose one or two *close-friends over a squad of acquaintances.
Regardless of our preferences about numbers, our heart’s desire for relationship comes down, finally, to the desire to know someone and to be known by someone. So much of our identity, our sense of self and personhood come down to our relationships. Finding those relationships and fitting in somewhere is critical—not only as teens, but for our whole life.
A perfect illustration of these truths can be found in as ordinary a place as your watchlist on any streaming service. Have you ever considered why old TV shows like “Cheers,” or “Friends,” “Seinfeld,” or “The Office,” have remained so popular long after their finale? We not only derive great pleasure from watching the antics of our favorite characters, but I believe we also identify with their struggles and innately desire the same kind of intimate friendships we see played out on the big screen.
It’s no wonder why the opinions of our teens’ friends seem to carry so much more weight than ours. Belonging, for them, is much more than simply wanting a friend to be with them. Fitting in is more than just a fear of being left out. For teens, it’s about survival in a chaotic world. Those relationships help them to navigate the turbulent waters of adolescence, to make sense of what's right and wrong, and to help them discover their identity. Those relationships set boundaries in their lives, affirm norms and condemn taboos, and shape worldviews in powerful ways.
You’ve probably already seen what happens when a teen finds the right chemistry with a group of friends; those relationships are formative in their social development, and can have a profound impact on the decisions they make. That’s why it’s so important that we help students find where they fit in… because their sense of identity and purpose are inextricably linked where they belong.
As we explore this concept of belonging, we’re going to borrow the Christ-centered, one-word explanation employed by Kara Powell and Brad Griffin in their book, “Three Big Questions that Change Every Teenager.” We’re going to use the word WITH, and we’re going to deep-dive into the final moments Jesus spent with His disciples prior to His arrest and execution at Calvary. In that final discourse, He not only promised never to leave the disciples as orphans (even as He made His way to crucifixion, death, resurrection, and the ascension), but also to send the Comforter to be WITH them. In His final words to His ministry team, He instructed them to love one another, to follow His example of service to one another, and He reminded them that their relationships WITH each other would demonstrate the meaning of love to the world at large.
Let’s take the time to engage our students in this area of belonging, and point them to the Christ-centered answer, “God is WITH us, and we are WITH one another.”
I’ve met the loners,
the ones who always choose the sidelines,
the ones who never seem to mind eating by themselves,
the ones who prefer to keep a low-profile.
…And I know everyone’s different and there’s no denying the differences between introverts and extroverts—but as humans made in the image and likeness of God, I also know there’s a cry deep within us that longs for us to truly know someone, and to be truly known by someone.
…And for some of us, there’s no such thing as too many friends, or not having group-plans on the weekend, while others of us prefer to keep our circles small, and choose one or two *close-friends over a squad of acquaintances.
Regardless of our preferences about numbers, our heart’s desire for relationship comes down, finally, to the desire to know someone and to be known by someone. So much of our identity, our sense of self and personhood come down to our relationships. Finding those relationships and fitting in somewhere is critical—not only as teens, but for our whole life.
A perfect illustration of these truths can be found in as ordinary a place as your watchlist on any streaming service. Have you ever considered why old TV shows like “Cheers,” or “Friends,” “Seinfeld,” or “The Office,” have remained so popular long after their finale? We not only derive great pleasure from watching the antics of our favorite characters, but I believe we also identify with their struggles and innately desire the same kind of intimate friendships we see played out on the big screen.
It’s no wonder why the opinions of our teens’ friends seem to carry so much more weight than ours. Belonging, for them, is much more than simply wanting a friend to be with them. Fitting in is more than just a fear of being left out. For teens, it’s about survival in a chaotic world. Those relationships help them to navigate the turbulent waters of adolescence, to make sense of what's right and wrong, and to help them discover their identity. Those relationships set boundaries in their lives, affirm norms and condemn taboos, and shape worldviews in powerful ways.
You’ve probably already seen what happens when a teen finds the right chemistry with a group of friends; those relationships are formative in their social development, and can have a profound impact on the decisions they make. That’s why it’s so important that we help students find where they fit in… because their sense of identity and purpose are inextricably linked where they belong.
As we explore this concept of belonging, we’re going to borrow the Christ-centered, one-word explanation employed by Kara Powell and Brad Griffin in their book, “Three Big Questions that Change Every Teenager.” We’re going to use the word WITH, and we’re going to deep-dive into the final moments Jesus spent with His disciples prior to His arrest and execution at Calvary. In that final discourse, He not only promised never to leave the disciples as orphans (even as He made His way to crucifixion, death, resurrection, and the ascension), but also to send the Comforter to be WITH them. In His final words to His ministry team, He instructed them to love one another, to follow His example of service to one another, and He reminded them that their relationships WITH each other would demonstrate the meaning of love to the world at large.
Let’s take the time to engage our students in this area of belonging, and point them to the Christ-centered answer, “God is WITH us, and we are WITH one another.”