It Was the Most Popular Answer...
So I went around the circle in our HOPE Group yesterday and I asked twenty-plus high-school students to name three people, places, or things that have had the most influence over their lives up to this moment.
That’s how I phrased the question.
“Just list the three biggest influences over your life right now.”
Right off the top, how do you think your child would answer that question?
What do you think are their top three influences right now?
What’re they ranked in order of impact?
In that circle of 9-12th graders—girls and guys, homeschooled, private and public-schooled, athletes, gamers and social-butterflies, core-leaders and fringe-followers—music was listed by one person as a primary influence. I was gratified to hear at least a couple of the teens said youth leaders and pastors were in their top-three biggest-influences list.
Two of the teens mentioned a pet.
One teen ranked a stuffed animal in the top three.
Do you know what I didn’t hear?
A single mention of social media, or any kind of celebrity.
…And we talked about influence—both direct and indirect. When asked to define the word, influence, words like example and impact were used. Those teens understood influence as being either a nudge, or an outright push to make decisions in a certain direction… that influence is wielded on us from several different directions… that we can be influenced in a number of different ways, often without even realizing it.
Someone mentioned culture, and the community at school.
…that there’s a general movement by the whole community towards certain ideals and values and that swimming with that community can be as natural as floating downstream.
The conversations moved into ideas around self-image, and the comparison traps in which we all find ourselves, if we’re honest. … and by that moment, I had to reassert control of the group and call on individuals in order because so many wanted to contribute their opinions that we couldn’t even hear one another.
They opined…
…that both males and females fight internal battles with their sense of self versus how they imagine they’re perceived…
…that mental health struggles are more pronounced among females than males…
…that anxiety can be contagious, but that it doesn’t have to be…
…that social media can influence their decisions subliminally, but they’re aware of it and not bothered by it…
It was a fascinating conversation—
the whole thrust of my lesson was to point them towards good HABITS, rhythms and routines of growth in their relationship with Christ. Just like any relationship, we must invest time, energy and effort into getting to know Jesus, positioning ourselves to hear His voice clearly in this present chaos—
I just wanted to talk about the influence of their friends on their spiritual lives.
(FYI, “friends” was the second-most popular answer among their lists of the three biggest influences on their lives.)
I shared how the Preacher of Proverbs reminds all of us in 13:20, “the companion of fools will suffer harm,” but “He who walks with wise people will be wise.” I pointed them to where Paul told the Corinthian church in 1 Cor 15:33, “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
Even before hearing the truth of scripture, they seemed keenly aware of how easily we’re all influenced, and how we should remain vigilant and guarded (yeah, they didn’t use *those* words) about who and what we allow to influence us. From my perspective, they seemed perspicacious, circumspect … certainly aware of the input they’re receiving from outside sources.
But do you wanna know what they said was the biggest influence over their lives?
Like, completely unprompted, totally uninhibited answers to a generic kind of question?
Parents.
The number one answer among that (somewhat) diverse group was their parents were their biggest influences.
…and before you say with incredulity, ‘duh, I read this far for you to tell me that?’ …
Hear them remind you that YOU’RE the biggest influence in their lives.
That YOU’RE the constant example in front of them.
That YOU have the most indelible impact on who they are right now.
Pause for a moment and consider how this truth—this truth they’ve acknowledged—comes to bear on the decisions you make.
The pressure of parenting can be overwhelming.
It helps to be reminded that what we’re doing makes a difference… that even when we feel ignored or out of touch, our words and actions are important, and our children/teens admit they take their cues from us.
How are we leveraging that influence?
Are we influencing our children/teens towards a deeper relationship with Christ?
That’s how I phrased the question.
“Just list the three biggest influences over your life right now.”
Right off the top, how do you think your child would answer that question?
What do you think are their top three influences right now?
What’re they ranked in order of impact?
In that circle of 9-12th graders—girls and guys, homeschooled, private and public-schooled, athletes, gamers and social-butterflies, core-leaders and fringe-followers—music was listed by one person as a primary influence. I was gratified to hear at least a couple of the teens said youth leaders and pastors were in their top-three biggest-influences list.
Two of the teens mentioned a pet.
One teen ranked a stuffed animal in the top three.
Do you know what I didn’t hear?
A single mention of social media, or any kind of celebrity.
…And we talked about influence—both direct and indirect. When asked to define the word, influence, words like example and impact were used. Those teens understood influence as being either a nudge, or an outright push to make decisions in a certain direction… that influence is wielded on us from several different directions… that we can be influenced in a number of different ways, often without even realizing it.
Someone mentioned culture, and the community at school.
…that there’s a general movement by the whole community towards certain ideals and values and that swimming with that community can be as natural as floating downstream.
The conversations moved into ideas around self-image, and the comparison traps in which we all find ourselves, if we’re honest. … and by that moment, I had to reassert control of the group and call on individuals in order because so many wanted to contribute their opinions that we couldn’t even hear one another.
They opined…
…that both males and females fight internal battles with their sense of self versus how they imagine they’re perceived…
…that mental health struggles are more pronounced among females than males…
…that anxiety can be contagious, but that it doesn’t have to be…
…that social media can influence their decisions subliminally, but they’re aware of it and not bothered by it…
It was a fascinating conversation—
the whole thrust of my lesson was to point them towards good HABITS, rhythms and routines of growth in their relationship with Christ. Just like any relationship, we must invest time, energy and effort into getting to know Jesus, positioning ourselves to hear His voice clearly in this present chaos—
I just wanted to talk about the influence of their friends on their spiritual lives.
(FYI, “friends” was the second-most popular answer among their lists of the three biggest influences on their lives.)
I shared how the Preacher of Proverbs reminds all of us in 13:20, “the companion of fools will suffer harm,” but “He who walks with wise people will be wise.” I pointed them to where Paul told the Corinthian church in 1 Cor 15:33, “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
Even before hearing the truth of scripture, they seemed keenly aware of how easily we’re all influenced, and how we should remain vigilant and guarded (yeah, they didn’t use *those* words) about who and what we allow to influence us. From my perspective, they seemed perspicacious, circumspect … certainly aware of the input they’re receiving from outside sources.
But do you wanna know what they said was the biggest influence over their lives?
Like, completely unprompted, totally uninhibited answers to a generic kind of question?
Parents.
The number one answer among that (somewhat) diverse group was their parents were their biggest influences.
…and before you say with incredulity, ‘duh, I read this far for you to tell me that?’ …
Hear them remind you that YOU’RE the biggest influence in their lives.
That YOU’RE the constant example in front of them.
That YOU have the most indelible impact on who they are right now.
Pause for a moment and consider how this truth—this truth they’ve acknowledged—comes to bear on the decisions you make.
The pressure of parenting can be overwhelming.
It helps to be reminded that what we’re doing makes a difference… that even when we feel ignored or out of touch, our words and actions are important, and our children/teens admit they take their cues from us.
How are we leveraging that influence?
Are we influencing our children/teens towards a deeper relationship with Christ?