So I went around the circle in our HOPE Group yesterday and I asked twenty-plus high-school students to name three people, places, or things that have had the most influence over their lives up to this moment.

That’s how I phrased the question.
“Just list the three biggest influences over your life right now.”

Right off the top, how do you think your child would answer that question?
What do you think are their top three influences right now?
What’re they ranked in order of impact?

In that circle of 9-12th graders—girls and guys, homeschooled, private and public-schooled, athletes, gamers and social-butterflies, core-leaders and fringe-followers—music was listed by one person as a primary influence. I was gratified to hear at least a couple of the teens said youth leaders and pastors were in their top-three biggest-influences list.

Two of the teens mentioned a pet.
One teen ranked a stuffed animal in the top three.

Do you know what I didn’t hear?
A single mention of social media, or any kind of celebrity.

…And we talked about influence—both direct and indirect. When asked to define the word, influence, words like example and impact were used. Those teens understood influence as being either a nudge, or an outright push to make decisions in a certain direction… that influence is wielded on us from several different directions… that we can be influenced in a number of different ways, often without even realizing it.

Someone mentioned culture, and the community at school.
…that there’s a general movement by the whole community towards certain ideals and values and that swimming with that community can be as natural as floating downstream.

The conversations moved into ideas around self-image, and the comparison traps in which we all find ourselves, if we’re honest. … and by that moment, I had to reassert control of the group and call on individuals in order because so many wanted to contribute their opinions that we couldn’t even hear one another.

They opined…
…that both males and females fight internal battles with their sense of self versus how they imagine they’re perceived…
…that mental health struggles are more pronounced among females than males…
…that anxiety can be contagious, but that it doesn’t have to be…
…that social media can influence their decisions subliminally, but they’re aware of it and not bothered by it…

It was a fascinating conversation—
the whole thrust of my lesson was to point them towards good HABITS, rhythms and routines of growth in their relationship with Christ. Just like any relationship, we must invest time, energy and effort into getting to know Jesus, positioning ourselves to hear His voice clearly in this present chaos—
I just wanted to talk about the influence of their friends on their spiritual lives.

(FYI, “friends” was the second-most popular answer among their lists of the three biggest influences on their lives.)

I shared how the Preacher of Proverbs reminds all of us in 13:20, “the companion of fools will suffer harm,” but “He who walks with wise people will be wise.” I pointed them to where Paul told the Corinthian church in 1 Cor 15:33, “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
Even before hearing the truth of scripture, they seemed keenly aware of how easily we’re all influenced, and how we should remain vigilant and guarded (yeah, they didn’t use *those* words) about who and what we allow to influence us. From my perspective, they seemed perspicacious, circumspect … certainly aware of the input they’re receiving from outside sources.  

But do you wanna know what they said was the biggest influence over their lives?
Like, completely unprompted, totally uninhibited answers to a generic kind of question?





Parents.
The number one answer among that (somewhat) diverse group was their parents were their biggest influences.


…and before you say with incredulity, ‘duh, I read this far for you to tell me that?’ …

Hear them remind you that YOU’RE the biggest influence in their lives.
That YOU’RE the constant example in front of them.
That YOU have the most indelible impact on who they are right now.

Pause for a moment and consider how this truth—this truth they’ve acknowledged—comes to bear on the decisions you make.

The pressure of parenting can be overwhelming.

It helps to be reminded that what we’re doing makes a difference… that even when we feel ignored or out of touch, our words and actions are important, and our children/teens admit they take their cues from us.

How are we leveraging that influence?
Are we influencing our children/teens towards a deeper relationship with Christ?

I must admit that Christmas time comes with mixed emotions for me.  I’m sure all of you identify with the stress of holiday traffic, shopping for presents, getting around the loop to all the family, wondering if we’ll have enough money to do all we want to do…  Even the way we talk about it often signals our truest emotions; “Christmas will be here before you know it.”

And beyond all the stress of simply celebrating, in recent years, the secular humanists of this world have used the holiday season to advance their atheistic agendas, proclaiming that reason should prevail over religion.  I had a conversation earlier this week with someone about an ad that has been placed at Capital buildings, government agencies, and all over the internet that reads,

“At this season of the WINTER SOLSTICE, may reason prevail.  There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell.  There is only our natural world.  Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”

It seems we argue with this kind of religious zealot most during this time of year.

When the bells of Christmas ring, when the carols play, when the temperature drops, for many people, there’s a sigh of “here we go again…  I’ll be glad when this year’s over.”  I’ve already heard it said, “Christmas is giving me a headache.”

Combine the stress of celebrating Christmas with the worldwide meltdown of governments and economies and all of a sudden, the holidays seem to be more trouble than they’re worth. People are running pretty low on holiday spirit.

Strange as it may seem, you might observe that we’re not the only ones who’ve ever had anxiety or stress around about the time of the WINTER SOLSTICE.  The characters who were involved at the very beginning of this holiday had some mixed emotions, too.

There was the announcement of an unplanned pregnancy to an unwed teenage girl.
In her mind, there was the looming fear of divorce and ostracism.

Her pregnancy resulted in rejection by family and friends.

For this brand new couple, there was the uncertainty of the future, and “no room in the inn.”

They feared Herod Antipas and his murderous reign.

Where did they find joy beyond their fears, rejection, and uncertainty?  How did they overcome what seemed to be insurmountable obstacles to reach a place of peace and goodwill?

The angels brought tidings of comfort and joy.

The angels brought news that overcame, overwhelmed, and outshone the darkness of the day.
Look back at the story with me:

“Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: when His mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child by the Holy Spirit. 19 And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly. 20 But when he had considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. 21 She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” 22 Now all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet: 23 “Behold, the virgin shall be with child and shall bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,” which translated means, “God with us.”” Matthew 1:18-23

Despite the fear and anxiety, stress and uncertainty that came with life as they knew it, the young couple stood in obedience to the promise of the angels. They took hold of a truth that transcended the trouble—that the baby born to the virgin Mary would save His people, would save ALL people, and that He would be called Immanuel, God With Us.

What a powerful truth!

What a precious promise!

As we wade through the waters of the winter holidays, may our hearts and minds be ever fixed on the foundation of the perfect Son of God, and may His coming bring peace in the middle of tumult… Oh Tidings of Comfort and Joy, Comfort and JOY!

With Thanksgiving coming up this week, my mind turns to all the traditions and rhythms that come with the holidays. One particularly meaningful practice is speaking the blessing over the Thanksgiving meal, usually led by my Father-in-law. He blesses the family and the food—in that order. In the nearly twenty-years since I was welcomed into their family, he has always taken the time to speak blessings over all three of his children—and eventually their spouses, their homes, and over all six of his grandchildren, too. It’s a moving moment, and one that I’ve seen from my grandfather(s), my dad, my father-in-law, and now as a dad myself, I have the same privilege of blessing my family.

In a particularly moving message yesterday, Pastor Keith reiterated the importance of passing our faith to our children, and to the next generation. He rehearsed for us the story of Jacob blessing Joseph’s sons Ephraim and Mannaseh, and stressed how Jacob was prophetically setting the stage for how God would use those young men in the future. It’s a powerful story that emphasizes the need for fathers and mothers to speak life and blessing over their homes and children.

For some, that challenge might be intimidating, perhaps because they didn’t grow up with that experience—or perhaps new to the faith, they might not feel informed enough from Scripture to speak anything close to a blessing.

If you don’t have a regular practice of blessing your children or grandchildren, it’s not too late to start! Here are some quick tips to speaking the blessing over your family.

• Routines – Most of our homes have a regular daily routine that doesn’t shift much from week to week. Consider adding a brief prayer before dropping your kids off at school, or sending them out the door to the bus stop. Or, just before bed as you make sure they brush their teeth, stand by their bed and speak a blessing over them as they rest. Meal times are also great opportunities to not only express gratitude for the food, but to also speak life and blessing over our families. Use the routines already in place to remind you to bless your family.
  
  
• Reach – Touch is a big part of human interaction, and with appropriate touch, we can affirm our families without even a word. Hold their hands, place your hands on their shoulders or their head, or even give them a hug and speak the blessing of God over them.
  
  
• Remember – If you’re not sure what to say, then take on the words of Scripture. There are lots of places and lots of verses we can pray over our children. Consider the Aaronic blessing of Numbers 6:24-26; “The Lord bless you, and keep you; The Lord make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.’” Or, consider the Psalms, the Proverbs, or the benedictions Paul, Peter, and Jude used in the New Testament.
  
  
• “Trust in the Lord and do good;
  Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
  Delight yourself in the Lord;
  And He will give you the desires of your heart.
  Commit your way to the Lord,
  Trust also in Him, and He will do it.” (Psalm37:3-5)
  
  
• “ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
  And do not lean on your own understanding.
  In all your ways acknowledge Him,
  And He will make your paths straight.” (Prov. 3:5-6)
  
  
• “(May) the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:7)
  
  
• “(May you) grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.” (2 Pet 3:18)
  
  
• “Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.” (Jude 24-25)

When it comes to blessing your family, speak from the overflow of your heart and spirit. Let the Lord lead you and speak through you over your children; He desires to see them succeed even more than we do!

If you’d like more information, and more thoughts about how to bless your family, check out this link, and follow Homefront magazine for lots of family content.

What you DO will position you for where you’ll GO. It matters what you do with your time, your talents, and your treasure. The daily decisions we make seem mundane and monotonous; the sun rises and sets and every day often feels like the day before and no different from the day after. The details are dull and doing what we’re supposed to do can seem boring and meaningless. But doing what’s right matters. Obedience to the Lord, walking in a manner pleasing to Him matters. Integrity, honesty, and faithfulness to our responsibilities are important. The little decisions that come with loving God, living right, and serving others are essential, even when they feel repetitive and unrewarding. In our second installment studying Ruth, we find Ruth in Ruth 2:2-3 choosing to take initiative and find work to provide for her and Naomi. For two widows with no outlook for the future, that one choice might’ve seemed all-too-obvious, but we should note: Ruth could’ve stayed back in her homeland with her hometown support network already in place. Ruth could’ve chosen to make her own way in Moab following the death of her husband, brother-in-law and father-in-law. Instead, Ruth chose to stay with her mother-in-law to serve her and to submit to her. Ruth chose to honor her MIL and in so doing she positioned herself to be blessed. There’s a principle repeated over and again in Scripture—that the blessing of God comes when His people choose to walk in righteousness and justice, when they choose follow Him. That repeated principle carries over into our lives, also. When we choose to walk in a way that pleases God, when we choose to walk in obedience to Him (in this case, to honor our parents and the adults in our lives, to serve those in need, to represent the poor and marginalized), then we position ourselves under His umbrella of protection and covering. Ruth was in the right place at the right time to see God’s blessing in her life. She was doing what she knew to do (work to find food for her and Naomi) until she knew what she NEEDED to do. This Principle of Position was true with Lot, who walked away from Abram and towards Sodom, only to find his life and family disrupted and ultimately destroyed by the sin and corruption in which he chose to live. He POSITIONED himself away from God’s blessing and missed God’s perfect will for His life. Oppositely, notice David who was with the sheep when his brothers came looking for him. He was operating in faithfulness, tending his father’s sheep, working where he was supposed to be, and was able to be found when his time for promotion came. Had he not been faithfully attending to his responsibilities, no matter how mundane or unattractive, then he might’ve missed his destiny to be anointed as king of Israel. In another time and place, David WASN’T where he should have been, and as a result he chose to commit adultery and later, murder—if he had been where he should have been instead peeping at Bathsheba from his rooftop, then who knows how his story might’ve been different? And who knows how Ruth’s story might’ve been different had she made different choices? Thankfully, she chose to walk in integrity and honor and service to her MIL, and by doing so, she put herself in the right place to enjoy God’s blessing. And we can’t ignore the fact that the *right place was a field, and the *right task was gathering grain behind Boaz’s reapers. Being in the right place and doing what’s right isn’t very glamorous, and the accolades don’t usually come for the people in the background. Sometimes the route isn’t so clear, even when you’re walking it. Ruth didn’t know the outcome of her decision before she went out that morning; she didn’t even know where to go when she asked Naomi if she COULD go. She just went to do what she knew to do until she could see what she NEEDED to do. When Boaz came up and saw her, he was stirred by her faithfulness, her servant’s heart, her honest, hard-working reputation, and he rewarded her.  He blessed her with a blessing from the Lord. He gave her a favored place among his workers and access to more than she needed. He ordered his servants to be kind to her, to leave grain behind for her, and gave her a place at his table. To top it all, he served her! She worked for a full day, well-into the evening, and came home with more than enough for her and Naomi.

When it comes to answering questions like, “What Difference Can I Make,” and “What’s My Purpose,” we should remember that God is the main character of our story, that we will only find fulfillment in following His design and His plan for us… and that being where we’re supposed to be, doing what we’re supposed to be doing will position us for His blessing.

What we DO right now will POSITION us for where we’ll GO.

Municipal Elections are WAY less exciting than Presidential elections, or even Midterm elections. Thanks to smaller campaign budgets and minimal press-coverage, local candidates are generally more obscure for the average voter and campaign platforms are much harder to identify. Obtaining a sample ballot takes intentional effort and discerning who deserves your vote often comes down to finding someone who knows the candidates personally.

Politicians often bring grandiose plans and ideas for ways to make our world better. Anymore, people are looking for answers to the serious issues in our societies, and looking for someone who can bring order and meaning to what’s happening around us.

This month, LHCStudents will tackle the third and final question in our “Big Three Questions”; we’ll ask, "What Difference Can I Make?"

If you’re not sure what I mean, we’ve been tracking with research from Fuller Youth Institute which asserted that “every teenager is a walking bundle of questions, three of which rise above the rest: Who Am I, Where Do I Fit In, and What Difference Can I Make?” According to the recent book from Kara Powell and Brad Griffin entitled, “Three Big Questions that Change Every Teenager,” young people struggle to find satisfying and life giving answers to these questions, and that all of their daily, internal conflicts can be traced to one of those three inquiries.

Our question this month boils down to a sense of purpose and meaning in life—that we find significance in our own existence “because we are a part of the ongoing plot of what God has done, is doing, and will do in our world.” In simpler terms, our sense of purpose “comes from knowing we’re invited into God’s greater STORY.” Our contribution to the world is contingent on whose story we make central to our lives.

We’ll base our series this month (entitled STORY) on 1 Corinthians 3:5-9; check it out from the New Living Translation.

“What is Apollos, really? Or what is Paul? Servants through whom you came to believe, and each of us in the ministry the Lord gave us. 6 I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused it to grow. 7 So neither the one who plants counts for anything, nor the one who waters, but God who causes the growth. 8 The one who plants and the one who waters work as one, but each will receive his reward according to his work. 9 We are coworkers belonging to God. You are God’s field, God’s building.”

In this passage, we get a front-row seat to a conflict within the Corinthian church about which leader the church should esteem more—whether Paul, Apollos, Stephanas, or others. Factions had even developed between families and believers who perceived there was some conflict, or posturing happening for one of those leaders to emerge as the most authoritative apostle.
In his response, we see Paul diminish the roles, responsibilities and contributions of those people in light of the grander purpose and vision of the Father—that as servants of the Most High, we’re invited to participate in HIS plan, and we simply play a minor role in a much larger plot.

This month, we’ll demonstrate to students that God is the One who sets the narrative for the universe, and that our best personal narratives come from embedding our stories in His.
We’ll prompt our students to consider Whose STORY to make the center of their lives, and how we find meaning, purpose and significance in HIS-STORY.

(See what I did there?)

We’ll reach into the Bible to observe stories from both the Old and New Testaments about people who found themselves in unique, difficult situations and discovered how they fit into the grand plot of God’s great STORY.

For now, you might ask your students questions like—

• Do you think about the future very much? What do you think an adult version of you will be like? What kind of job do you think you’ll have? Will you have a family?
• Do you ever feel worried about the future? What makes you anxious about the future? What concerns you the most?
• Have you ever heard someone say, “God has a plan for your life?” What do you think they mean when they say that? What do you feel when you hear that statement?

And if you’ve stuck with me this long, here’s a link where North Carolina voters can find the precinct and ballot information for the elections today. Get out and vote! :)

https://www.ncsbe.gov/

"Miss independent,
Miss self-sufficient,
Miss keep your distance..."

Haven't heard those lyrics by Kelly Clarkson?
(Yeah, it's been awhile since she released that song in 2003.)

We probably know someone who thrives as an independent, I'll-do-it-my-way-thank-you-very-much kinda person... Most of the time, we tend to celebrate the self-made person, the independent thinker, the rise-to-the-top kind of hard worker... but is that the picture Jesus gave us in Scripture?

In John 15:5, Jesus defined our relationship **with Him** using one word—dependent.
He said, “I am the vine, and you are the branches. WITHout me, you can’t do anything.”

That’s a definitive statement—no lack of clarity there.

“In the same way a branch is useless without the vine, in the same way you’re useless apart from me.”

The branch springs from the vine,
the branch originates from the vine,
the branch receives life and sustenance from the vine.

The branch would not exist apart from the vine.

That’s the nature of our relationship **WITH** Jesus. We are utterly dependent upon Him.
Does that kind of relationship sound attractive? Is that something we desire?
 
When it comes to interpersonal relationships, we often see dependency as being unhealthy. The relationships where one person relies so heavily on another, resulting in a loss of their sense of identity and their ability to make their own decisions, are dangerous, aren’t they?

Dependent relationships aren’t necessarily bad; from their birth, children depend on their parents for food, clothing and shelter. Infants are absolutely helpless, and even into elementary ages, children are still in need of their parents for basic necessities of life. During the teen and adolescent years, parents teach their children how to become self-sufficient adults, but teens aren’t usually completely independent until they can make enough money to provide for their needs.

That’s the design—a good relationship finds infants, children, teens, and adolescents dependent on their families for many years.

What’s the difference between the bad-dependent relationship and the good-dependent kind of relationship?

Unhealthy dependent-relationships force us to find our identity in another fallen person (or people) and to make our decisions their way for their benefit or preference.

Oppositely, our parent-child relationship gives us identity, and makes decisions for us for our good, and offers us autonomy as we’re able to handle our own decisions…

Even more, our Christ-centered, Vine-and-the-Branches relationship acknowledges our human weakness, our brokenness, and offers us life, strength, and purpose in Jesus. In Him, the Vine, we not only find identity, belonging and purpose, but we also find power to accomplish more than we could ever imagine.

NO relationship on earth can offer what The Vine can offer us—not even our parents.

ASK THIS:
Do you know someone in a dependent relationship? Who depends upon whom in that relationship? Is that relationship healthy? Why, or why not?
What are some relationships you depend on every day? Which relationships build you up? Which relationships tend to tear you down?
What does it look like to depend on Jesus like a branch depends on the vine?

I remember revivals from my childhood.

Revival services were part of our normal yearly church calendar. As a Pastor’s kid, I have vivid memories of traveling evangelists coming to our church for week-long evening-services beyond the normal Sundays and Wednesdays. I remember my family hosting those speakers for meals before and after church. I remember coming to services wearing my baseball uniform following a game. I remember receiving the Baptism of the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues at a revival service. Those memories are etched in my mind, even if I didn’t always want to be in church seven times in seven days.

The revival experience came full circle for me this past week.

Just last week, our local church ReConnect Conference featured revival-style services from Sunday morning through Wednesday evening, and my son Nate was a part of each service beginning Sunday evening. Our normal children’s and student ministries services and programs were suspended for the week in order to allow our children, teens, and volunteers the opportunities to attend the special services.

At the time, I had no idea Nate was paying such close attention to the speakers. As a parent, you expect your children to sit quietly during a worship service, of course, but I was pleasantly surprised during the car-rides home to hear how much he could repeat of what he heard. When we asked in an off-handed way about what he learned from service, I was astounded by the way he could recall the stories the speakers shared, the scriptures they read, and the points they made.

Over the course of that week, he asked us honest questions about how to distinguish God’s voice from all the competing voices around us, and even why one person spoke a message in another language during service, but another gave the meaning of that message… Those questions and many others were sparked by what he saw and heard during our ReConnect Conference, and they were incredible opportunities, teachable moments for Mandy and me to sow truth into his heart and mind. Even more, his presence in the services exposed him to our Pentecostal heritage, and made the outpouring, infilling, and demonstration of the power of the Holy Spirit normative for him.

My story might betray a bit of my own bias, but from a youth pastor’s perspective, I am chagrined I did not give him more credit for his ability to not only listen and understand the adult message, but also to come away from those services having heard God’s voice. I know as a child I learned from what I saw in church and in revival services, but it still pleasantly surprised me to hear that same experience coming from my own child.

I saw three major benefits from children and teens participating in an adult service, and in a revival-style service.

• Children and teens can understand more than we give them credit, and they are often paying more attention than we realize. We see that to be true in other areas of their lives—school, athletics, culture in general. It should not surprise us at all that our Lead Pastor or a traveling Evangelist can preach an adult message in a way that impacts our children. Perhaps we are not asking enough questions about what they’re hearing and seeing in church to fully understand what they’re learning?
  
  
• Children and teens need to see their parents and adults worshipping, and operating in the gifts of the Spirit during corporate worship. This is a critical component of family-discipleship, that children and teens see their parents in love and adoration of the Savior, and that a Sunday worship experience influences a weekly relationship with Jesus. How much more will they understand what it means to follow Jesus if they see how their parents respond to His call?
  
  
• Children and teens need to see the gifts of the Spirit operating in our services. When it comes to the move of the Spirit in personal AND corporate worship, they will not value a heritage they do not experience. As Pentecostals in the Holiness tradition, it is incumbent on us as parents and leaders to make sure our children and teens not only see and hear the dynamic work of God in our services and in our homes, but we must also encourage them in their pursuit of spiritual gifts. It will not happen accidentally.

Ask your children and students some questions about the last time they were in worship with you; give them the chance to process with you what they saw and heard.

• Which song was your favorite today? What did you like most about that song? Do you ever find yourself singing it during the day?
• Do you remember the story our Pastor/Speaker shared? What was the main idea of the story?
• What did that story tell you about God? What can we learn from that story?
• (In the case of a spiritual gift manifestation) Did you see anything unusual in the service today? What did you think about what happened? Did you understand it?
• Did you feel like God was trying to speak to you today? How do you think God speaks to us during worship/preaching/altar ministry?

I’ve never met a single person who didn’t want to fit in *somewhere.

I’ve met the loners,
the ones who always choose the sidelines,
the ones who never seem to mind eating by themselves,
the ones who prefer to keep a low-profile.

…And I know everyone’s different and there’s no denying the differences between introverts and extroverts—but as humans made in the image and likeness of God, I also know there’s a cry deep within us that longs for us to truly know someone, and to be truly known by someone.

…And for some of us, there’s no such thing as too many friends, or not having group-plans on the weekend, while others of us prefer to keep our circles small, and choose one or two *close-friends over a squad of acquaintances.

Regardless of our preferences about numbers, our heart’s desire for relationship comes down, finally, to the desire to know someone and to be known by someone. So much of our identity, our sense of self and personhood come down to our relationships. Finding those relationships and fitting in somewhere is critical—not only as teens, but for our whole life.

A perfect illustration of these truths can be found in as ordinary a place as your watchlist on any streaming service. Have you ever considered why old TV shows like “Cheers,” or “Friends,” “Seinfeld,” or “The Office,” have remained so popular long after their finale? We not only derive great pleasure from watching the antics of our favorite characters, but I believe we also identify with their struggles and innately desire the same kind of intimate friendships we see played out on the big screen.

It’s no wonder why the opinions of our teens’ friends seem to carry so much more weight than ours. Belonging, for them, is much more than simply wanting a friend to be with them. Fitting in is more than just a fear of being left out. For teens, it’s about survival in a chaotic world. Those relationships help them to navigate the turbulent waters of adolescence, to make sense of what's right and wrong, and to help them discover their identity. Those relationships set boundaries in their lives, affirm norms and condemn taboos, and shape worldviews in powerful ways.

You’ve probably already seen what happens when a teen finds the right chemistry with a group of friends; those relationships are formative in their social development, and can have a profound impact on the decisions they make. That’s why it’s so important that we help students find where they fit in… because their sense of identity and purpose are inextricably linked where they belong.

As we explore this concept of belonging, we’re going to borrow the Christ-centered, one-word explanation employed by Kara Powell and Brad Griffin in their book, “Three Big Questions that Change Every Teenager.” We’re going to use the word WITH, and we’re going to deep-dive into the final moments Jesus spent with His disciples prior to His arrest and execution at Calvary. In that final discourse, He not only promised never to leave the disciples as orphans (even as He made His way to crucifixion, death, resurrection, and the ascension), but also to send the Comforter to be WITH them. In His final words to His ministry team, He instructed them to love one another, to follow His example of service to one another, and He reminded them that their relationships WITH each other would demonstrate the meaning of love to the world at large.

Let’s take the time to engage our students in this area of belonging, and point them to the Christ-centered answer, “God is WITH us, and we are WITH one another.”

Have you been to a wrestling match recently?

And no, I’m not imagining John Cena, or even someone like Hulk Hogan or the Undertaker. I mean like a normal High School wrestling match—one with weight classes and holds and those awkward singlets.

Have you ever seen a kid wrestle who was way outmatched in their weight division? Maybe the underdog who wrestles at the bottom of one weight class against someone who really ought to be in the next class up?

It’s obvious to those of us in the stands when there’s a mismatch on the mat.

It’s not so obvious when the wrestling match is internal.

There are lots of students who are in the middle of intense wrestling matches—internal wrestling matches—about their identity, their sense of self, their internal profile. It’s a match about who they are versus who’s popular around them…

…versus what’s trending in their friend circle,
…versus what they’ve been told by culture.

Unfortunately for many of our students, their wrestling match is a mismatch. The influences around them are powerful and pervasive, and when the moment comes for this question to be answered, too many of our students are submitting on the mat to whatever influence is strongest at that moment. … and as a result, they are choosing to identify themselves however, and with whatever traits and attributes that get the most press.

We don’t have to settle for the identity the world and secular culture wish to foist onto us. We take our cues from Scripture—that we have been formed in the image and likeness of God, that as such we have been created with purpose and dignity, and that our lives are infinitely valuable regardless of what we contribute… that we are loved by the Lord of all creation, that He paid the ultimate price for our brokenness, and that our futures are secure in His Hands… that our work can be meaningful, regardless of the task, that family is a gift from God, in spite of the dysfunction, and that our physical and biological form is precious and holy in His eyes, no matter the reflection in the mirror.

Let’s train our students to prepare for this wrestling match by planting truth in their hearts and spirits; here’s a passage of Scripture to consider as you’re having conversations with your students (and even your spouse).

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. 4 Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. 6 So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. 7 He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. 8 He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding."
(Ephesians 1:3-8, NLT)